Ahh… high standards. There’s something about choosing right. With that said, the question we need to ask is: What defines high standards? A colleague once said, “Geri, is it high standards or is it more in line with being a perfectionist?” He had me thinking, and I must admit, he was right. At the core, it was perfectionism at its finest, without reservation. But does perfect exist? I beg to differ, but that is for another blog post. However, I will say, “What we consider to be high value will set the bar for who we decide to pursue and engage.”
ATTRACTING WITH HIGH STANDARDS IN MIND
There’s no denying, attraction drives us to take a chance on romance. But if it’s with someone with zero personality, or someone who lacks decency, then it will be difficult for the connection to move to the next level. Especially if someone’s moral compass doesn’t fit the bill. But the thing is, most of us don’t use a criterion to gage how great or not-so-great a connection is. Nor do we place high standards high enough on our list when dating. Why not, considering the person of interest might be the one you will spend the rest of your life with?
HAVING HIGH STANDARDS MATTERS MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW
Not everyone is in the same boat. While there are those with high standards there are also those with low to no standards. Now, whether we admit it, we qualify people all the time. Without considering the quality, we can get lost in the dating hoopla. This is when confusion can easily set in and it’s also where we can get all caught up in believing what may not even be true. It’s like dancing with a partner who can’t dance. There’s no way you’ll ever win the dance competition. To clarify, the connection isn’t going anywhere. Doesn’t matter how much you want it to work, the other person has to learn the steps. Joey Adams summed it up nicely with this quote:
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
It’s a choice. We choose whom to date. Some of these dates may last a few weeks, some a few years, while others won’t get beyond the first date. But then again, there are those magical connections that have what it takes to last a lifetime. The things you approve of will shape your life. Just putting this out there for anyone who has contemplated love’s impact on life. Your love life matters! Sit in something crappy long enough, and you will understand where I’m going with this.
LET’S CUT TO THE CHASE
There’s a word that’s really not all that bad. The word “next” is one of those words that leaves you optimistic when dealing with someone who has you feeling less than your confident self. Who you choose to entertain will end up being the one who somehow either makes or breaks something. Make-or-break situations happen all the time, and it even occurs in matters of the heart. Will the connection be successful or a total failure? Essentially, the distinction between a good life and not-so-great life. A good life is you surrounded by good people. A not-so-great life is you surrounded by bad people. Good people make you feel good about yourself. Bad people make you feel bad about yourself.
I have my own high standards for what I want in a partner and how I want to be treated. Love and loyalty and all the things that make a good relationship.
PLAY BALL!
You decide whether someone’s a keeper. There’s something to be said about baseball. Yeh, baseball. You’re probably thinking… first base, yada yada – home run. No. What I’m implying is the number of strikes – there are only three and you’re out. We can use that as an analogy to help us decide what to do. Seriously, why would anyone choose to engage someone who continuously strikes out? How many strikes were there? I don’t know, lost count.
FOCUS ON BEST AND JUST HEAD FOR… NEXT
If someone doesn’t give a hoot about someone’s feelings, with no thought whatsoever, they will disregard boundaries and standards. Now that’s solely their issue. Just don’t make it yours. Don’t sit in this, don’t stand for it, and don’t sleep on it, thinking it will change. Above all, do not harbor any doubt or resentment about whatever this is or isn’t. When something’s good it can be great, when it isn’t – it’s a romantic flop.
Our focus should be on someone mature, understanding, and a tad more sensitive when it involves the heart space. Someone who’s more in tune with you. When you set adrift those who leave you questioning the connection, you will be in a more favorable position. Tell yourself, “I’m so worth better.” Someone out of tune, immature, and insensitive, isn’t in line to be someone of high standards. But this is your call. Who you want is entirely up to you. Hopefully, most of us will identify with that liberating word – next. Next… is the driver that will introduce us to someone better suited.
Your life reflects you, your identity, lifestyle, and expectations. It’s you choosing you while living out your best life in a confident, peaceful, and happy state. You’re great, so why wouldn’t you deserve greater? I love how Greg Anderson’s quote summarizes his view of high standards:
Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to.