Why We Choose What We Do | Choices Matter 

There we are, just living life. With patience and endurance, we stand our ground. Suddenly, we realize this isn’t what we imagined. And with that lingering thought, we struggle to sustain hope at a difficult time in our lives when things are far from perfect. When we know why we choose what we do, we identify a correlation between the past and the present. Between where we stood and where we now stand. Patterns that have crept in, existed for some time, have interwoven themselves intricately throughout the fabric of our lives. Perhaps habits we became comfortable accepting, or a mode of living, where we have grown accustomed. And what started off oh-so-great soon thereafter took a turn. Things happened. People and situations changed.

THE FACTORS THAT DICTATE WHAT WE CHOOSE

Every day we learn something. We learn to cope, but we also learn how to survive. We sort through the details and look at what matters and what doesn’t. Perhaps we realize something means more when it matters, and far less when it doesn’t. We may even acknowledge that succinct moment whereby we can honestly admit that we have somehow missed the bus and lost our way. But the thing is, there are those who will choose to continue on a rugged trail to nowhere. It’s during quiet times and moments of solitude and reflection when we may hear a whisper of discontent. Perhaps this is when we finally recognize that we are in a grave situation, stuck in a very scary space. 

Given time, we may even ask ourselves why that is. Perhaps answers surface. Perhaps they don’t. That said, answers provide insights into why we stay when it’s so obvious it’s time to go. The key question is: Is this working? And if it doesn’t, why is that, and what needs to be addressed? Understanding the origins of our troubles is the only way to break free from any disheartening entanglement. It’s knowing what drives our choices. It’s identifying the reason behind every decision.

Once you get past denial and excuses, as well as the emotional hurdles, it will enable you to grasp the logic behind the negative commitments you cling to. With time, it becomes clear, and this clarity is what will support your well-being and serve your future.

So what are we to do? We weigh the options. We look at the benefits of leaving. I’m perplexed why anyone would stay in something that casts a dark shadow over their lives. Whenever we have to decide between people, places, things, or events, we may list the pros and cons. What are the pros and cons of staying versus leaving? After reviewing the two sides, we’d look at which column carries positive weight and which doesn’t. From here we decide to choose better. But it’s never that easy. No. No, it never is. 

THE NEED TO PROTECT PERSONAL BOUNDARIES

Unpacking the why is epic. This is where we dig deep and, with luck and some hard work, uncover the root cause of a harsh reality. The story unfolds and patterns emerge. Once we answer: who, what, where, when, and how, it assists us in unearthing why we continue to choose what we do. It’s here we may uncover something about ourselves, about our lives, and about the path we chose over the one we didn’t. 

It’s getting to the core of the matter that may spell out one’s level of tolerance and intention. Highlighting what’s incapable of growth or, for that matter, what has no ability to flourish. We may not know everything, but we surely know why something in our lives no longer passes the test. And this becomes a sobering realization. We’re aware of one critical factor, and that is love doesn’t exist in the space some of us call home, and this alone can spotlight the need for change. 

This could be about anything in life. Here we are referring to intimate relationships, but it could be within the context of one’s career or workplace, or it could even be about you on a very personal level. About the trust you place in people, or in that one person you love. Perhaps it may be the lack of trust you have in yourself. Love never feels wrong, because it’s always right. And what some signed up for is far from ideal and anything but love. 

FIVE QUESTIONS TO UNDERSTANDING WHY WE CHOOSE WHAT WE DO:

What is this?

Where is this thing heading?

Why do I choose to tolerate this?

When will this change? 

How do I go about changing my life for the better?

It’s essential to answer the questions as candidly as you can. Because I can assure you, without being honest with yourself, nothing happens. Without you changing something, nothing changes. A grave situation will continue to consume your energy while devouring your precious time. I can say this without hesitation: we don’t have time to put up with anything that steals our peace. This is especially so when having to deal with difficult people and circumstances. Life is short. I repeat, it’s short.

THE NEW NEIGHBORS

A few weeks ago, a young couple moved into the house next door to a friend’s place, much to his chagrin. On a nice day, he’d leave most of his windows open. However, something changed. Instead of the usual sounds of the wind rustling through the leaves, the birds chirping, and the hum of lawn mowers in the distance, he heard a loud voice. His new neighbor. It became so unsettling for everyone within earshot that they began voicing their concerns for the person who took the brunt. The fellow’s wife.

When he shared this story, my husband and I couldn’t understand why anyone remained in such an unsettling space. This isn’t what we’d expect anyone to endure, let alone at a place we call home. Who tolerates this kind of behavior and why? And why are some choosing to live, work, or play in anything discordant where they agree to stay in what most would consider enemy territory? It’s difficult to fathom!

As he was unloading his truck one day, the noise grew so loud that he thought it best to retreat indoors for safety. Unsafe? The thing is, this was an upscale neighborhood, and that in itself revealed the harsh reality. The scary part is what some choose. We picked the wrong partner. We chose a toxic workplace. And we developed friendships with the wrong people. Things of this nature happens. It’s with every not-so-great choice that led to these unnerving situations that not only has a negative effect on our life, but forever taints it. So if you think choices don’t matter, think again.