Why You’re Attracting Those Who are Bad for You

It’s easy attracting those who are bad for you. It boils down to the pursuit. What are you pursuing?

Ahh… the pursuit, it may leave you wanting. And why is that? Are you attracting those who are bad for you? Why get involved with untrustworthy people? Those inconsistent, unreliable, and dishonest types can leave you in a tizzy. Perhaps there’s an invisible sign that says, pick me.

Last post, I touched on those attractive people who aren’t so attractive. In this part of the attraction series, I want to dabble in why we’re attracting those who are not only unsuitable, but bad for us. 

These posts all started with a conversation that went something like this: “There are no decent women out there.” “I disagree.” “It’s easy for you to say because you’re a woman.” This is when I rolled my eyes. Okay, not something I should have done, but I heard this one too many times. So I said, “Listen, you’re just attracted to the wrong women. You, my friend, are hooked on fluff… on those who are appealing but shallow.” “But why am I ALWAYS attracting those who are BAD for me?” He just didn’t get it. I felt his pain and instead of asking, “What makes you think I have an answer?” I responded, “Why are YOU attracting the wrong people? There’s something you’re doing or not doing. I tell you… it’s you.” “What? Me?” I got his attention.

INTENTIONAL BEHAVIOR

The attraction depends on several factors, beginning with how you present yourself. Seriously… it starts with you. I have to ask. Is your heart in the right place? The key to finding and choosing the right person is you have to be in the right state of mind. Do you even value and respect who you’ve become? In other words, how are you coming across? You become the right person for the right person when you come from the right heart space. I’m not talking about perfection or being flawless. I’m talking about being genuine. As well as being honest with yourself while being sincere with others. I’m also referring to a healthy mindset. 

Are you optimistic about life, about your future? You know who you are and have a plan. Here, I’m alluding to intention, being deliberate, clear on what you deserve and what you don’t. Okay, so you’re confident and happy just as you are where you are. You know what you need and have a clear picture of where you see yourself. You also know you deserve better. Right? Yadda yadda yadda… now what?

THE SEARCH

When in search of someone (we’re not talking about just anyone here), we’re referring to someone quite exceptional. The person we can see ourselves with and the one we can eventually walk in love with (notice I didn’t say fall in love – there’s a difference). When we walk in love, this is when we’re aware and in tune with what it’ll take. We’re not out there just seeking someone to fill some void. No-no-no. We’re searching for true-love, the lasting kind, the kind we can make work and the one we can enjoy without feeling nervous. I read somewhere, when one is feeling ill at ease with the person they’re with, it’s a red flag. Not to say, they are bad people, (but could be). In this scenario, they just aren’t good for you.

THE PURSUIT | ATTRACTING BAD

However, with that said. What if we’re always barking up the wrong trees, looking for love in all the wrong places and faces? By the way, is love something we have to search for? The thing is, I believe love finds you and you can find love. But you have to be open. The person who attracts you then becomes a choice. You choose them and they choose you. It’s about two people deciding they want to get to know one another. Easy peasy? Not always. Sometimes we’re attracted to the wrong people… bad people. 

MATHEMATICS OF LOVE OR… CHEMISTRY

Say what? It now comes down to math? Who knew? The important consideration, the common denominator… YOU. Think about this for a moment. What is your intent? Who are you, really? Who are you outside of this connection and who are you within it? Are they the same person? What value will you bring to the equation? 

We can say the same for the other party. Is their intention calculating and deliberate? Who will they show up as, given time? Will those true colors surface when we least expect it or will we see it and sweep it under the rug? What positives do they bring to this connection? Last but not least, does this so-called relationship have the potential to grow exponentially so it can prosper and blossom?

Highly unlikely. Bad is bad. If you take some time to assess the answers, you’ll find the bloom will fade long before you had the time to enjoy it. 

BACK TO THE QUESTION – WHY? WHY YOU’RE ATTRACTING THOSE WHO ARE BAD FOR YOU

Bottom line, we select someone based on who we are. I’ll try to paint a more vivid picture. Say I’m a Don Juan or Casanova. I’m only interested in one thing, and it has nothing to do with loyalty, devotion, or reliability. Far from. It goes something like this: I see what I like and I will go after it until I get it (rinse and repeat). Married, dating and involved, it doesn’t matter.

It all depends on who you are and how you think, which leads to how you feel. And how you feel will set the tone for how you will act. Do you have a grandiose ego? Do you put on airs? Are you smug? Do you have a tendency to flirt – a lot… even whilst dating? Are you into dating multiple people? Put stuff like this out there and you’ll be left to wonder… why. Why a situation didn’t turn out the way you wanted, why that special person kept distancing themselves, or why you keep attracting less than ideal relationships.