To stay or go is usually a question that’s bound to surface whenever we feel it’s time for something to change. But there’s an underlying reason, pertaining to excessive unaddressed and unresolved issues. Whether in a friendship, a partnership, or an intimate relationship. This can include just about any setting, such as a workplace, a social group, or even a church. The thing is, we already know the answer. With that said, most of us just toss it around, juggle it, until we simply toss it aside.
Awareness of a situation is just the beginning. What follows is careful planning and decisive action. Everything you experience or don’t experience is because of you. Every decision has determined the person you are today, from every situation you find yourself in to every relationship you choose to engage and entertain. Every choice sets something in motion, whether good or bad. This confirms the power you have.
Here’s but an excerpt of the email which led to this post:
Finding you through Pinterest is something I am thankful for. Your caregiver blog was very insightful. I am currently taking care of my uncle who practically raised me. Despite my church attendance and the time I spend volunteering there, it’s never enough. There’s also the unfriendly church members who make things difficult. It’s to the point of me wanting to leave.
I have also been dating this guy for what seems like a lifetime, and I don’t know why I’m still with him. It’s been almost five years. My family is extreme, and those who aren’t are unsupportive. My friends are questionable. One of my friends had an affair with my current boyfriend. I forgave them, but I am having a hard time forgetting.
The place I work always leaves me stressed to the max, but it’s tough to get decent work these days. Stuff plays out in my head and I have trouble sleeping. I don’t know what to do, whether to stay or go. My life is stagnant and I feel as if I’m stuck in deja-vu. I don’t know why I’m emailing you or what I expect, but I believe that something you write will help me in some way.
THE QUESTION TO STAY OR GO IS JUST A PIECE OF THE PUZZLE
You are navigating a heavy stress load. When things are this daunting and convoluted, it’s time to address the inevitable. You already know how things will play out because of the way they played out in the past. While some relationships work, others won’t, and that is something we can’t control. No big deal. However, it is a big deal when we choose to stop living our best lives. If history tells us anything, it has a tendency to repeat itself. So the lesson is not to repeat a lesson. Learn from the mistakes and get on with your life. If you realize and recognize that something isn’t right, it isn’t. It’s not a matter of whether you just stay or go. It’s more in line with the root of whatever this is. Ask yourself, whether a workplace, a friend, a partner, or family makes who you are a better person. Because your environment and the people who surround you will highly influence who you are and who you become.
WHAT TRICKLES IN MAY TRICKLE OUT
I get it. You’ve invested a lot of time and emotion in these spaces, with these people, and in that person you are drawn to. Perhaps even feeling some semblance of happiness now and then that entices you to remain in these less-than-ideal situations. But what if that trickle of happiness trickles out, and you realize down the road that you’ve forfeited happiness altogether? In other words, you discover that you have made the biggest mistake of your life. Let’s get real. It’s not just happiness at stake here. There’s something more insidious taking place that will inevitably take its toll on your well-being as it takes control of your life.
Where you are in life and the direction you take matters. We only have this one big, bold, beautiful life to get it right. One. And how you choose to live it matters a great deal. The key is to stop blaming everyone else. After all, you are still the one in charge of your life. Essentially, you are not a puppet.
KNOWING YOUR WHY IS A THING
You can even get super honest if you so choose. Just ask: Is where I am where I want to be? And is this where I want to spend more of my precious time? In your case, it’s not just one place, person, or thing. It’s where you live, work, play, and even who you date. This includes practically everyone you hang out with. If you answered yes, great! But that will mean you taking stock of what you can live with and what you can’t. If you answered no, then you will have to delve deeper, tap into your heart space, and start strategically planning an exit, opting for a new direction. If you are stuck between a yes and a no, there’s a big problem. But you already know this.
When we contact someone in the blogosphere, hoping for relevant guidance, there is indeed an issue for it’s spelled out clearly in the email. The key is to trust yourself. Perhaps this is where you believe the answer to your request will magically erase the dishonesty you choose to live. But I can attest, something like this will take on new meaning given time. Think about the situation you find yourself in and ask how you ended up in a space of such confusion.
The key is not to surrender yourself to just keep thinking about what drama continues to unfold. Where you simply do nothing but undermine your potential and underestimate your power to change what you deem unchangeable. Rather, imagine a new life and where it can take you. Simply put, start planning.
IT’S TIME TO CONSIDER WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT AND WHAT YOU’RE DOING WRONG – WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Why place your goals, dreams, and wishes on hold? Perhaps it’s an obsession to fix what is irreparable. Seriously, some things shouldn’t take this much effort. The thing is, you’ve already wasted a lot of valuable time trying to fix and manage everyone and everything that you’ve totally lost sight of where you are. Investing all of your energy until you have nothing left to give. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? I’ll answer that. No. No, it isn’t.
Imagine what your life could be if you were to shift your attention from where you are to where you can be. Why not refocus on a special project or a creative endeavor instead of this mess? This is where we’d invest in something of value, in something that carries significant meaning, where your happiness lives. It will be in line with something that improves the quality of life. It’s important to know your why. You are here to discover your purpose in life and to live-out that purpose. There are steps you can take to rise above all the negativity that’s taking control of your thoughts. Where to begin? It begins with self-perception, the internal dialogue, and the way you view life.
Life is a series of problem-solving opportunities. The problems are not there to confound us but to test our courage and wisdom.
THE STEPS
The initial step is realization. It’s that aha moment when we realize the situation is not only complicated but confusing as heck, and quite unsettling to say the least.
What follows the initial step of awareness is recognition. It’s recognizing where you are isn’t where you belong. You’ve been here before and nothing has changed. And that in itself speaks volumes.
The last step, after awareness and identifying the source of conflict and stress, is to take positive action. Address what you’ve learned about the situation, about your emotions, your social circles, and your interpersonal connections. This is you finally acknowledging your role, which ultimately stems from your choices. To ponder whether to stay or go is just the final straw that may lead to better places, spaces, and people. You get to choose the direction you want to take.
A SIGN – WHEN WE ASK WHETHER WE SHOULD STAY OR GO
We’re not here to question whether something is good or bad, nor are we here to contemplate whether we should continue on this trajectory or move on. Don’t you deserve better? That is the question. You have a dream, and that’s getting back to where you should be, back on track. But the space you’re currently in will not help you reach the peace you need to achieve that dream. Nothing lives well in conflict. Nothing.
Conflict cannot survive without your participation.