You already know. You know without a doubt what you need to do. Perhaps you are waiting for the courage to do it. It’s about you coming clean with a painful truth and choosing to separate from a bad decision. I get that this will not be easy. It requires you to finally take full responsibility and to be the bad guy in her story. Why is it important to make amends, to rectify a mistake, or to right a wrong? It’s the only way to emotional healing. By clearing the air, it eases the burden of guilt you shoulder. This makes it possible for two people to eventually find genuine love one day. After all, it’s not just about you, it’s also about her. Here you have it: how to navigate one of life’s hardest decisions, and why peace of mind is worth the fallout.
Low points in life have a tendency to draw our attention away from everything that’s good. It’s because too much thought goes into how bad things are, or how bad we’ve made them. The issue is that we can get lost in this space, and not in a good way. This can trigger bad mojo if we aren’t careful. If we don’t have the foresight and sound reasoning, it increases the likelihood of making further unsound decisions that can set us off course completely. Given time, however, awareness will set in, delivering the aha moment that can change everything. Better late than never, some would say.
TO RIGHT A WRONG WILL BE UP TO THE ONE WHO ERRED
The first step is recognition. It’s recognizing the path that led you to a place you no longer want to be, seeing that it doesn’t fit with the lifestyle you’ve chosen. If you want your life back on track, change is essential. Be that as it may, the key driver here is to move past bad decisions and poor judgment. Somehow you convinced yourself that you are doing just fine when you’re not. You justify what you did was right, when it was oh so wrong. With something like this coming back to haunt you, guilt was inevitable.
Everyone has an opinion, with some readily voicing them. And while others offered sound counsel, most offered nothing but terrible advice. The thing is, you listened. Get married, they said. And that you did, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. You see, it’s like this: the right decision for some may be the wrong decision for others.
Here’s an excerpt from the email that prompted this post: He who isn’t ready to right a wrong.
I hit a low point in my life, and I feel like an oddball for writing this. I was pressured into getting married. After dating for about four years, I proposed because of external expectations. This is going to sound foolish. I like her, but it’s not love. When I met her, I was dating someone else at the time. What can I say? I’m a spontaneous cheat. This wasn’t the first, and it won’t be the last. What advice do you have for someone who isn’t prepared to right a wrong, yet feels guilty as hell? I look forward to a response.
A DECISION THAT TOOK A WRONG TURN
When someone seeks advice, they are likely justifying their current position or attempting to comprehend a complex issue. My guess is that you are trying to decipher what is now playing heavily on your mind. Guilt. Writing it out can serve as a coping strategy for some, while others may see it as a way to contextualize an already confusing matter. Even so, something changed between then and now that has you guilt-ridden.
Some cheat one time and one time only, and that’s when counseling may help. But there are those who are notorious cheaters. There’s a difference. I believe you are stuck somewhere in the middle. Now, I’m not a therapist and don’t profess to be one. I’m just a blogger who enjoys writing about life. When I first started this website, my intention wasn’t to roll out blog posts based on the emails I receive. Some emails, however, were hard to ignore. Since many people experience similar situations, posting those that needed a response was a logical step.
It’s important to understand something about this guilt you are expressing. Perhaps it has something to do with your lifestyle. Or it could be a way of managing the emotional burden you carry. Life is so much more rewarding when we refrain from reliving what we did or didn’t do (could’ve, should’ve, would’ve). With that said, I’d still encourage anyone who finds themselves fixated to briefly revisit the choices they’ve made.
A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.
THE SOMETHING THAT CHANGED EVERYTHING
By expressing guilt, you are well aware of the truth, which is good. Quiet moments have this effect, but if we don’t pay attention, we can miss out. Sometimes we get so busy that we miss the truth altogether. Busy, busy, busy, as some would say. But this busyness is what can get us into trouble. I get it. Where attention goes, energy flows.
What starts off with a casual glance follows with a smile and an impromptu dialogue that leads to a full-fledged relationship given time. A beautiful thing. However, in your case, it didn’t work out that way because things got way too serious too soon in that relationship and, to top it off, you juggled. Sneaky… yes. A classic example of looking for something better elsewhere, thinking you found it, but didn’t. The grass is not always greener on the other side. Attraction happens, but at the expense of who or what?
Anywhere conflict, confusion, and guilt ensue, we have to be mindful. Perhaps this is how we learn the fundamental lessons of love. We can deal with things in a healthy way, or choose to sidestep them altogether, by living a lie. And after you see what you need to see, and grasp what needs to be understood, you realize you can’t continue on the same track. Because the very thing you have going on is becoming difficult to sustain. Ultimately, it’s accepting that there’s no other option but to face the truth and change what needs changing. And that is to summon the courage to do what’s right. If that means breaking free from entanglements. So be it.
Let all your regrets and mistakes become your sails, and not your anchors.
END RESULT – A CONSEQUENTIAL DISCOVERY
There’s a French proverb, “Comme on faict son lict, on le treuve.” (As you make your bed, so you must lie in it). This is accepting the results of past choices and actions.
You already know your next step. Yes, you do. Individuals are guided by their personal code of ethics and moral standards. The guilt you feel is there for a reason. With that said, any situation that’s deceptive isn’t only inviting bad juju, but it also triggers the unwanted anxiety and stress you currently feel. Let’s just put it this way. Anything risky is quite enticing, yet it’s the very thing that can attract harmful consequences. But there’s a course of action that has the potential to alter your life in a good way, and that is to do what you aren’t prepared to do. To right a wrong in love. Which can set you on the right path, heading in the right direction, where guilt becomes nothing but a distant memory.
Those intuitive hits always mean something. The significant factor here is learning to trust yourself enough to do what’s right. Problems arise when we don’t pay enough attention or if we insist on taking the wrong road. You went through with a commitment that you had no intention of keeping. If this storyline is left as is, your situation will not end well. Eventually, cheaters get caught. Just saying.
STAY OR GO
Here’s the thing. There’s so much negative stuff playing out in the world. Our home, workplace, social circles, and love life should be places of refuge, not spaces where we have to endure more conflict, confusion, and guilt. Any further deception will only lead to more mental and emotional strain. Something you are clearly aware of. You are robbing yourself and your partner of any semblance of happiness.
Once a guilty conscience takes hold, the result is a lack of peace and sleepless nights. Choosing to stay when you know you want to leave isn’t fair to any relationship, let alone a marriage. It’s not fair to you or to her. Staying when your heart has already left just steals valuable time. No one can make sound decisions in this kind of headspace. No one. The question here is: If this isn’t love, why are you wasting her time?
A truth that is often difficult for people to recognize or accept is: if you can see it out there, it exists—or has at some point existed – within you.