“There she goes again, blogging about healthy boundaries.” I hear you. But I have to indulge the writer within. Truth be told, there are important factors to consider in love as in life. In this post, we will delve into part one of how boundaries play a vital role. As for dating, it’s twofold. First is understanding who you are. Your likes, dislikes, and what you consider negotiable and nonnegotiable. As well as what you desire in a relationship versus what’s missing. These would be key ingredients essential for a healthy connection. Perhaps you do a double take, and it becomes the defining moment when you discover what you have isn’t quite what you deserve. The person we select is a critical factor. One that can either make or break the life you create.
Why not embrace a keen sense of knowing what’s important to you and what isn’t? What does a relationship look like, feel like, and what role will it have in your life? To answer these questions, it’s important to be true to you, to appease not only your inner guide, but to satisfy that inner critic that seemingly requires attention. Knowing what you want and need is one thing, but this will also encompass your hopes, wishes, and dreams. We’re not talking pie in the sky. We are referring to a tangible goal or plan. Let’s just say we can compare it to a road map. And it begins with you. It starts with self-respect, self-love, and a thorough self-analysis. Knowing your value and worth. Once you have a firm grip on these key aspects, it’s time for intentionally setting strong, healthy boundaries. This will give that line in the sand vibe. The key here is to attract mature or emotionally available, and well-adjusted people. Also known as healthy connections.
A JOURNEY TO SELF-LOVE
Healthy boundaries are not negotiable if you practice self-love. Created with intention, these boundaries can make a world of difference. With flexible limitations or with no boundaries whatsoever, people can and will take advantage of you in every situation. It’s where we leave the door wide open, and this will have someone with no standards pilfering what’s not theirs. Believe you me, these types of characters exist. They not only prowl in nightclubs, restaurants, and dating sites, they can also lurk in churches, schools, and workplaces. Shocker!
I’m not claiming to have the answers, but I know you do. And when I write and post on this website, my hope is for you to realize it will always begin and end with you. After all, you are the one in charge of your life. There are options and choices. You get to decide. The key is to believe in yourself. Allow nothing to cloud your judgment. The intuitive hits you receive are there to protect you. Should you find it daunting to believe those innate feelings about the person you date, share your concerns and thoughts with those you trust. Perhaps they too feel the same way about the one you date. There will be times when it will be important to consider feedback. Those who truly love you will provide the guidance and support you are seeking.
Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how to use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.
WHY SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES WILL TRANSFORM YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
Healthy boundaries exist for a reason and are essential if we want to get this dating thing right. A great relationship never requires that we rush into something too soon. The key is taking your time in getting to know the person. Underestimating the importance of setting healthy boundaries more often than not leads to situationships and a lot of confusion that can lead to an unexpected bitter realization down the road. Let’s just say this is where we separate the wheat from the chaff. Someone who is worth your time, attention, and energy, versus someone who isn’t.
Someone tried and true, the real deal, a person who is prepared to go the distance in a relationship with you, will accept and expect nothing less. The right person will be someone with high standards. A person who values and respects themselves as well as the person they date. Patience is key. This is where you get to decide what’s best for you. A person with respect will thoroughly understand. Disrespectful people don’t, and they will always attempt to cross the line. If they cross that line with you, they are typically crossing it with others. It’s usually the wrong type who will move from one person to another with little to no regard, leaving you to cradle a box of tissues.
Give yourself permission to envision a big life, a happy life. Accept your greatness. Don’t settle! You didn’t come here to play small or to make someone else’s dreams come true. You’re meant for everything that’s written in your heart, but it’s up to you.
BEYOND THE LIES AND DECEPTION
Once you practice the fine art of setting healthy boundaries, there’s no turning back. Taken a step further, it’s you intentionally making it known. The wrong type will ultimately read the writing on the wall and make a beeline for the nearest exit. No ghosting here, just common sense. The person in charge is you. It’s up to you to make it loud and clear. Clearly define the type of person you are and the type of person you desire and deserve. No soggy tissues here. In no time, the one who isn’t your type will mosey along toward someone else, someone better suited for them. A person more in line with the type they prefer to pursue. And that’s okay. No, it’s better than okay, because it’s relationships like this that end badly.
The line these flirts use will more often than not go something like this: “It would have never worked.” Of course it wouldn’t. The thing is, some of us never get to hear those words, while others may hear them far too late, or when the relationship has long ended. I, for one, have respect for a person who can admit this early in the relationship. Let’s just say, within a year of dating. We know it, may even feel it, but will never admit it. It may have taken some of us a minute, but at least someone said what they needed to say. Just to be clear. Of course, something having nothing but lies, deception, and broken promises attached to it would have never worked.
YOU ARE SO WORTHY OF BETTER AND THIS IS WHERE HEALTHY BOUNDARIES ARE ESSENTIAL
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Without trust, there’s nothing. There is no relationship. Okay… it’s a relationship, but a toxic one. Once trust is broken, the relationship is broken. End of story. Time to create a new story… with someone new who honors respect. Anyone wanting the real deal isn’t interested in something broken. Nor are they willing to pick up the pieces of a shattered relationship or romance. Life is short. Who needs this? No one! We will send them on their way with nothing but love. No hard feelings. No bad words.
Now, for those willing to repair a damaged relationship, it’s a tad tricky. This isn’t rocket science. If something looks bad, feels bad, it’s bad. We initially meet someone, like them, and have high hopes for the connection. Eventually, we get to know the person and discover they aren’t the one we should continue to spend more time with. Yet, there are those who do just that, and will continue doing so. Spending time with the wrong people is apparently a thing. I judge not. However, wouldn’t your peace and happiness account for something? Yes. Yes, it would if you valued yourself. Valuing and respecting yourself is key.
The more you value yourself, the healthier your boundaries are.