Unveiling the Secret to Attracting a Healthy Relationship  

So, what does a healthy relationship mean to you? The truth of any connection will always live in a person’s experience. The key is trusting the experience as it will reveal a story. This includes dating anyone who proves not to be all that interested or who is keen on entertaining other options. It’s apparent if we pay attention. But most of us don’t. 

Everyone has a different approach to dating. Some of us like the idea of commitment before getting intimate, while others choose the alternative – see you, like you, date you, but won’t choose only you. This is the type who’s apt to perform exits and reappearances, pulling disappearing acts that would leave the master of illusion proud. At the very least, let’s give Anette’s beau kudos for giving her a heads up. Here you have it, part three. 

It’s a welcome fact whenever the person we date reveals who they are. The earlier we acknowledge this, the better. By showing us what they’re all about, we can take it as a hint that it won’t get any better than this. But then again, there are those who prove us wrong. However, that’s another blog for another time. 

Once you acknowledge what you’ve seen, heard, felt, this is when I’d suggest you get out more, enjoy life, and in time, you’ll meet someone new. A stronger connection that leads to a healthier relationship with the potential for a happier outcome. 

A BALANCED RELATIONSHIP IS A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

In discovering who someone is, we can also see the relationship for what it is. Discovery is important as this is where we can assume we’ve dodged something undeserving of our time, attention, and energy. This is also where we get to decide whether to make a wise move from a connection that isn’t working to one that will. That said, you can invest in anyone you choose. But wouldn’t it be in your best interest to invest in someone who is worth the effort and where you can experience a healthy, loving, and balanced relationship?

You’re probably asking. What’s balance have to do with someone’s love life? Well, it has a lot to do with it. Essentially, a healthy relationship is where we have stability and ease. An exclusive connection, which embodies all the facets that make it not only sound, but successful because it’s built on a solid foundation. There’s give and take. There’s love, respect, and trust. All in equal measure. Vital ingredients that are essential for a healthy relationship. Voila, a balanced relationship will feel great because it is. If it feels bad, it’s because it is. Prolonged exposure makes it difficult to detect problems.

Let’s face it. No one desires a relationship that delivers instability. Yet, that’s precisely what so many of us endure. The thing is, if we have control over what we say and do, we clearly have control over our love life as well. Once you understand the type of relationship you have, you will discover which way it’s headed, unless you’re in denial. Neglecting to acknowledge what is clearly before you will not only steal your energy and time, but your ability to distinguish a healthy relationship from an unhealthy one.

HERE YOU COME AGAIN

Understanding your role not only helps you get back on track, but it also ensures you’re heading in the right direction. With the right intention, you’re in line to meet the right person. Imagine that. I’m serious… sit yourself down and imagine it. It’s what I did, and I never had the need to look back, until… the one from the past decided to pick up the phone. This is a surreal moment when nostalgia hits home. It’s also when we remember what took place. Most times, it will be a reminder not to go there again. This is one path that isn’t worth rediscovering. 

Things happen, and they happen for a reason. It may very well take place when least expected. A call, an email, a text, a dozen red roses, your favorite box of chocolates, or expensive perfume. It’s when a return after a hiatus raises more questions than answers. We don’t have to understand why it took place. Who cares about what the reasoning or logic behind it is? There’s no need to read more into something. But each time someone calls after a timeout, most of us put out an invitation. Which is precisely what Anette did. It went something like this: “Let’s meet for coffee or drinks.” Sound familiar? Anette, I’d rather see you getting out with friends instead of spending more time with someone who avoids considering their actions. And who also refuses to contemplate why they do what they do.

JUST A FEW MORE THINGS TO CONSIDER 

When I first read Anette’s email, it reminded me of a Dolly Parton song, Here You Come Again. There were far too many occasions when all he had to do was “smile that smile and there went all of your defenses.” When you have some time, check out the lyrics or, better yet, listen to the song. It’s a very good depiction of someone who routinely repeats a pattern. A negative one at that.

“When can I call you again?” 

Seriously… why ask? 

This is an eye-opening moment, telling her that some things never change.

After rolling her eyes, she quickly blurted a response. Now, she could have said what came to mind… but didn’t. At that point, she realized it just wasn’t her shtick. In other words, it’s something she had no intention of revisiting. If she specified what came to mind, that would mean she’d have to be upfront and admit what she should have admitted eons ago. And so it was, with a sigh of relief, knowing she didn’t have to visit that uncomfortable space of having to bruise an enormous ego. 

Bottom line, she had no intention of ever hurting anyone’s feelings. 

But what about her feelings? 

I digress. This was my storyline. However, if we were to get real, this could be just about anyone’s narrative. Let’s be clear. Some of these chaps are persistent, while others, not so much. Now, let’s get back to Anette. 

THE POINT

The point I’m trying to make is that some men charm their way into the lives of anyone they’re attracted to. They will also charm their way back into the lives of those they once dated. When you receive his text, a card, those flowers, it just means it’s time to focus more on you and less on the one who hides things from you. This is calling your attention to being more receptive and attentive toward creating a successful life for yourself, a life filled with happiness. This is you – confident, above par, in your ‘A’ game – attracting a more suitable partner compared to the one who got you all wrong. You aren’t that person… the one who chases, the one who waits, the one who’s okay with being someone’s option. To that I say… NEXT! 

A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP VERSUS SOMETHING ALTOGETHER DIFFERENT

Anyone who consistently fails to meet the mark, who challenges you unreasonably, or who’s repeatedly a disappointment, is a clear warning to reassess the relationship. It’s also a sign to discontinue engagement. The fear of letting go doesn’t serve anyone one iota. Nor will it be beneficial to keep someone in your life who simply doesn’t belong there and who is far from being a fit. My advice will always be to cut to the chase, and cut one’s losses. As a side note, this isn’t love.

Why hold fast to a connection that isn’t working, one that only proves to be unfavorable and misses the mark? You’re special, and you deserve to be respected. Here’s but a thought: Someone’s reappearance isn’t always indicative of love. The truth is in what those closest to you share after what they’ve witnessed. When his friends, your friends and family approached you with the news… all you had to do was listen closely to what they had to say. A risky romance isn’t something we want to entice, engage, and it isn’t a connection we should tolerate. It definitely isn’t one we’d want to tie the knot with. Just saying.

THE SELECTION PROCESS

Choose poorly, and things will not be easy. We have to face the facts. Infidelity exists and thrives in a world where there are many options to choose from. Anette, you’ve discovered the guy you’re dating isn’t only unfaithful but dishonest. Now what? Well, that is up to you. No one can live your life but you. You get to decide how great or not-so-great your life will be if you continue leaving yourself open to wounding.

It’s important to select wisely, to keep your options open, so you can discover opportunities whereby you get to experience a healthy relationship. Keep what’s real and release what isn’t. I’m in total agreement with your friends and family. It’s time to address the issue and release what no longer serves you. But that’s your business, and this blog is just an opinion. You do what’s right for you. Loving someone hard is difficult if they don’t love you the same way.

A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP EXISTS – YOUR CHOICE

Just because someone returns doesn’t mean they’re the one. It’s you who decides how your love life unfolds. The experience of a partner’s return after a break might be positive or negative at that. But it’s for you to decide whether to end something that has heartbreak written all over it. What I don’t understand is why so many women continue entertaining substandard relationships. 

Your decision is the key to your love life, and it’s also the ticket to your happiness. Love can play out in a good way or a not-so-good way. Your choice. Just know that untrustworthy people are incapable of showing up the right way. So, it’s crucial not to get trapped into believing or tricked into thinking some connection is a be-all, end-all, when it isn’t. 

Anette, it’s been five-plus years. How much more time are you prepared to give to this before realizing it’s a no-go? The thing is, you’re not the only one dealing with something like this. Throughout the years, I’ve heard from colleagues who went through the same thing, as well as relatives and friends who experienced those with sneaky behavior. I, myself included. Which, to be honest, was a shocker. However, I nipped it in the bud as soon as my spidey sense kicked in. A platonic that had no chance of ever becoming more. 

LOSE MY NUMBER!

This brings me to what I overheard in a coffee shop as I was waiting for my mocha latte. It was ironic, considering I received Anette’s email that very day. A dishy conversation at that, regarding someone’s experience with their ex. 

I found it quite amusing when an acquaintance in my exercise class shared a similar account regarding a guy who called her nonstop after their mutual parting of ways. 

It occurred in the life of a colleague, not once, not twice, but three times after being ghosted by the same guy. 

And out of the blue, like an asteroid from outside this galaxy, we receive a surprise. Perhaps when we were in need of some flirtatious fun, when we were feeling a tad too facetious, or… when we’re happily involved with the one we’re with. Let’s just say some of us moved on. 

You, Anette, won’t be the first, nor will you be the last. And you definitely aren’t the only one in the world who fell for the wrong guy. Sneaky chaps can be quite attractive, very cunning, and pretty good at playing… the vulnerability card. That said, the wrong guy will always help us discover the right guy. How’s that? He draws our awareness to what we can trust, and to what not to trust. A person who breaks trust is a huge red flag. It’s in our face for a reason. This is one lesson I wouldn’t want to repeat. Once someone breaks trust in a relationship, it’s highly unlikely to return.

THE INQUISITIVE DUDES – IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE

People do what they do. Sometimes with no rhyme or reason, merely curiosity. However, upon closer inspection, we discover it’s in their makeup. It’s simply who they are – their character. It’s how they choose to behave. They came across the number we gave them back when we first met. But by this point in time, they would have scrutinized a treasure trove of telephone numbers they’ve collected over the years. Calling every single number. It’s who they were… are, and perhaps they’re even the type who have no intention of ever changing. Commitment phobe? Perhaps. Who knows? Who cares to know? By the way, we can’t change anyone. At best, we can accept people for who they are, remind ourselves we’re doing just fine without them, and wish them well on their journey. We can only imagine they will change given time. Just maybe one day… for the right person. 

A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP – A STRONG CONNECTION

And on that note, one last piece of guidance before I close out this post. Who doesn’t want a stronger partnership and a fabulous love life? Who wouldn’t desire a healthy relationship? The secret to a healthy relationship is you. Your decisions brought you to where you are today, and any decision from here-on-in will take you to where you’d rather be… or to where you will end up. This is your superpower – the power of choice. In your situation, the key is to stop focusing on what’s right about the relationship, and to zero in on what’s wrong. This is choosing happiness over disappointment.

Unhappy and stuck in limbo? This is where a little faith does wonders. Have confidence in who you are and in your ability to attract better. A confident person has a better chance of finding a match. Someone who understands love and what a healthy relationship means. I really don’t care how long something like this takes. Why do we keep dating the wrong people for all the wrong reasons for far too long, when it’s perfectly acceptable to have a change of heart? Perhaps we should reconsider our views on being single versus being in an unhappy relationship, devoted to the wrong person.

FREEDOM 2.0

Single means free, and freedom and happiness go hand-in-hand. When you’re free, you can freely discover that you have the freedom to choose better. This may very well result in a fortunate encounter with the right person, a compatible soul who’s dreaming of the same thing as you. Someone who desires a healthy relationship and who also believes that love exists. It’s only a matter of time. Love is out there. You just haven’t met that person… yet. If you’re unhappy and enduring a challenging relationship, it’s time to change focus, change gears, and change direction altogether. Life is short, and happiness matters. What you need is to create a new life for yourself. But before you can do that, you will have to wipe the slate clean and start afresh. Perhaps it’s time to change your phone number. 

Choose you, Anette. ♡ Choose… You. ♡