A Guide to Overcoming Confusion: Navigating the Path to Clarity 

When we fall in love, it’s sometimes difficult to see things clearly. Emotions may cloud our judgment, preventing us from seeing the harsh reality. Within time, doubts creep in and questions surface. April’s blog post may strike a chord for those who walk down the same path as Beth. This is part two of my response to her email, which anyone can use as a guide to overcoming confusion and navigating one’s way to clarity. If you haven’t read part one, you can check it out here. In this post, we’re going to tap into what it takes to succeed in a relationship that remains ill-defined. We are also going to delve into what it will take to rise above the challenges we face in love. 

With clarity, there is no confusion. With confusion, there is no clarity.

Navigating a one-sided relationship is nothing but an uphill battle. When a romantic relationship becomes work, it’s time to reconsider whether it’s worth the effort. Remember, any great partnership takes two. It’s reciprocity. It’s give and take. Beth, are you prepared to continue down a path where it’s just you doing all the work? I wouldn’t recommend any woman chase after a man. 

When a man loves you, you will know. He will wear his heart on his sleeve. He will call, text, arrange dates, he will also plan future events. You can even take turns. If, however, you’re the only to-do person, we can just assume you are the only one interested. Hard pill to swallow, I know. I just want to give you a few things to consider so you can decide what will best serve you. Without a man showing keen interest, taking the lead, and reciprocating, what do you have? 

What? Who knows?

SEX IS JUST…

Beth, it’s great that you have a wonderful sex life with this guy. However, if love and commitment are missing from the equation, or if it’s one-sided, then sex is just… sex. This may be okay for some, but not for those who seek something more substantial, something more meaningful. Not to say sexuality isn’t an important facet, but it takes more than just being great in bed. We want someone we can laugh with, share stories with, experience life with. Someone we can be real with. And let’s just put this out there. A man of integrity will always let you know what’s on his mind and in his heart. You never have to search for answers. 

Perhaps there’s a reason this guy refuses to open up to you, which tells you it may be time to just call it a day by calling it quits. Beth, I honestly think you already know who this guy is, and that something you thought you have, you don’t. This is what I would refer to as missing out. This is especially true given that you’ve removed yourself completely from the dating world, only to appease a man who continues to keep you in the dark.

By the way, full disclosure and commitment between two people will definitely enhance one’s sex life. Period. The things we don’t see, the secrecy, the innuendos, the lack of communication, disrespect, will always stand in the way of a better love life. The key is to not only consider these flags, but to avoid ignoring them altogether. My guess is there are a few red flags that have somewhat captured your attention. And this my friend is your personal guide to overcoming confusion.

DOING THE WORK

When bombarded with oodles of questions and no answers, we do nothing but question. Not only questioning ourselves, but asking outsiders for advice. Without having a chat with the person you date, you prolong the pain and will continue to lack the clarity you desire, and it’s here you wallow in uncertainty. Wouldn’t you want to know what this relationship is or what it isn’t, once and for all? The only way to find out is to ask. Ask him. You’ll know… when he doesn’t answer.

By choosing to stick it out, maintaining the status quo, you will have to be prepared to continue down the path of confusion. Not a great path to stay on for the long haul. But with that said, it all comes down to you, believing you are doing what’s best. Are you doing what’s best for you? Is the right thing to stay and toil away at something that’s so dang confusing? 

When someone does the work, it will show, and when someone doesn’t, it shows… and this will extend to communication skills. Either the person we date has these skills or they don’t. But now would be a good time to find out. Keep in mind, they will do whatever they choose to do, and we can’t change that. Either he’s all in or all out – fine. But a guy who’s partially in and out of your life… let’s just face it – whatever this is, will ultimately fizzle out.

RESPECTING RESPECT

Respect is the cornerstone of any great relationship. Who we date will not only have self-respect (honorable behavior), they will also value the person they date and the relationship they share. A good man acknowledges our worth and respects us for being true to who we are. They most definitely are open to whatever truth we seek. Remember that. And you? Well, you will have high regard for what’s morally and ethically right for you. It’s you respecting yourself enough to move on from something far from ideal. What you need is to gift yourself with a time-out. Time outside of whatever this is.

While living in confusion, tolerating questionable conduct, you do yourself nothing but a grave disservice. It’s one thing, living in a confused world, but a different story altogether when we have to come home to the same thing. Home is where there’s love, support, comfort, and it’s where we have peace of mind. It’s not where we’re conflicted, questioning everything. Now, this doesn’t have to mean we’re living with the person. It can also mean we feel at home when we’re with them. There’s something comfortable when two people are in love.

Alas, we will have to address the skeleton in the closet. You thinking there could be hints of deception or cheating, perhaps there is. Can you live with that? How can you? How? A wise course of action would be to just let the relationship go. With your thoughts already heading in that direction, why not? I repeat… why not? If it isn’t a relationship, what the heck is it? Friends with benefits? Perhaps. A situationship? Maybe. Who knows? You. You should know. But you don’t.

WHEN A GUIDE TO OVERCOMING ANY CONFUSION BECOMES CHALLENGING, KEEPING IT REAL WILL HELP NAVIGATE ONE’S WAY TO CLARITY.

I can’t emphasize the importance that respect plays in relationships. It starts with self-respect, staying true to you. Regardless, you have a choice – stay or go. Your call. Should you decide to continue coddling the connection, I have this to add: I believe you can meet someone who will meet you halfway and beyond. And he will love you the way you need to be loved. Communication plays a vital role. Without that, what’s there? Not much.

Any time indecisiveness is at play, it calls for some reflection, perhaps a mini-vacation… away from the person who leaves you confused and in constant search of answers. Who has the time and energy for this? I ask… who? By choosing to let go of what’s not working, you will meet someone who values love the way you do. Honesty and transparency go hand in hand. Trustworthy people have nothing to hide. Perhaps he’s quiet for a reason. There’s that to consider.

The person we date may have no clue what they mean to us. But that’s another thing. Why don’t we at least let them know? I believe it’s because we already know who they are, and that in itself is relevant. With clarity, we have answers. Without it, we don’t. It’s knowing. It’s also about you placing trust in yourself, believing those intuitive vibes. Clear on who you are and who you aren’t. Clear on what you tolerate and what you won’t. And clear on what you want in your life and what you don’t. 

HERE ARE BUT A FEW THINGS TO MULL OVER:

• Are you showing up for him all the time and is he rarely there for you?
• Can you count on him? 
• Does he put everything on hold to prioritize you? Or is everyone and everything else a priority, with you being last in line or taking a back seat?
• Has he proven himself to you multiple times?
• Do you see him for who he truly is, or are you imagining what he can become?
• Is the relationship stable or unpredictable?
• Do you feel secure or restless within the connection?
• Are you at peace when around him, his friends, and his family? 
• Have you met his friends and family? If not, why not?
• Can you call it a relationship? 
• Is it possible it’s more so in line with a situationship, a friend with benefits scenario, or is it merely a hookup set on replay?
• Are you paying attention to the way he acts, how he treats you, and how he makes you feel?
• Does he treat you differently in public than he does when the two of you are alone?
• Do you go out with him to public places or is it his place, your place, or some dark space?
• Is there two-way communication where both of you open up and share thoughts?
• Is he consistent?
• Are you always questioning the relationship, the person, the experience?
• We all need a guide to overcoming confusion, but sometimes it means we have to trust our intuition. It never lies.

ARE THEY CONNECTED OR DISCONNECTED?… ANSWER THIS, AND THERE YOU HAVE IT, A GUIDE THAT CAN LEAD TO OVERCOMING THE CONFUSION THAT KEEPS YOU AWAKE AT NIGHT.

Someone who doesn’t know what they want will never communicate their feelings. They will also be incapable of sharing their intentions. The relationship will be open to debate. They can’t communicate because they’re confused about what it is they themselves not only feel, but desire. I get it. With all the competition, it must be difficult to choose and commit to one person. So what do they do? They keep their options open. That said, we could classify these men as habitual daters, those who may even run the risk of dating more than one person at a time. These online dating sites give these types free rein to do just that. You’ll get my drift after listening, or reading the lyrics to an old Lou Bega’s hit: Mambo No. 5. Yung Pueblo’s comment hits the mark as well:

Are you dating a disconnected person? You are if involved with someone who’s emotionally unavailable. This is a complicated relationship that feels like a heavy weight, blocking your path to self-discovery and true love. And this goes for everyone. Park yourself in the wrong space, with the wrong person, and you will find you have given away the best years of your life to someone who never deserved you. If they didn’t put a ring on it, and have no intention of ever putting a ring on it, then you aren’t dating the right person. Simply put, he isn’t your person. If he’s not inclined to go there, then there’s a place where you shouldn’t be going.

THERE’S POWER IN OVERCOMING CONFUSION

Clarity is the power of knowing. It gives us the means to embrace a relationship so we can delve deeper with no need to plant a restrictive boundary that protects our hearts. Which in reality creates a richer, more fulfilling, and meaningful connection. A sense of peace knowing we understand what we have, because we are clear on what it is. Feeling peace is essentially an ultimate guide to what may very well be you on the right path. To put it another way, you have answers and you can rest in that. Another great guide to overcoming confusion is trust, trusting that what you have is real. And this can only happen when the person you date establishes consistency, communicates effectively, and follows through with nothing but integrity.

Confusion is lack. More specifically, the lack of transparency. And this is where you are, stuck in uncertainty, plagued with nothing but doubt. A great guide to overcoming confusion is when we gain a precise understanding of what we’re involved in. It’s much easier to achieve when the person we date is authentic, able to express their true feelings and intentions without hesitation. Let’s face it, emotions aren’t something we keep hidden when we are in love. It’s really about having clarity within, which is an internal guidance that helps us navigate our way through love and throughout life. We receive an innate impression, one we can trust. It’s you trusting yourself enough to let go of whatever this is.

A FINAL NOTE

We know what we want and we know what we don’t. In a loving relationship, it’s really about two people who are open to discuss everything freely, sharing thoughts, expressing feelings, as well as intentions. No holds barred. It all starts with open and honest dialogue about what needs to be addressed. The key is expressing what you need to express without hesitation. 

Beth, I hope you can use these posts as a guide to overcoming confusion in a connection that you are holding fast to, and that has yet to prove itself. As you navigate the matters of your heart, you’ll discover the truth within due time, and you will also find the pathway to clarity. Sometimes, letting go has nothing to do with a relationship. It has more to do with you. And this may involve some alone time, to rediscover who you are, and to reassess your needs and wants, your dreams and your wishes. Self-love is where you love and respect yourself enough to date only those who value you the way you value yourself. You deserve love. And you are also worthy of being a priority, standing at the front of the line, and never ending up as an option, taking the back seat in someone’s life.